A few things

18 months
I’ve started telling people that Brennen is one and a half. That seems so crazy to me! The biggest change for him the past couple months has been his vocabulary. It is HUGE. He communicates really well and has a really clear voice that’s easy to understand. He’s good at difficult consonants like “L” and he likes saying the names of all his aunts and uncles. The only one he can’t really get is my sisters. Sorry, Christena. Your name is just a little tricky. :) Matt took him to the doc the other day and he’s in the 75% for length and head and 25% for weight. We love him so much, he is a crack up!

Work
I’ve been working full time for a week and a half and I love teaching music. I love getting out of the house and making money for our family and I’m blessed that I get to do something I love. This teacher I’m subbing for just left it all up to me so I’m doing all of the planning, too. I feel like I’m the “real” teacher and it’s been good for me. But as much as I like it you can bet the second 3:30 comes around I’m busting it home to see my little boy (and Matt, too).

Baby #2
I’ve been feeling really good this pregnancy! At this point in my first pregnancy I was about 11 pounds heavier and I don’t feel as big with this one. I actually feel like I have more energy than I did with the first one (for now at least) and I haven’t been very sick. He moves around a ton and I love it! He has the same movement patterns that Brennen did and I’m hoping that doesn’t mean he’s going to be just as wild as Brennen. The one difference is I am WAY more moody. Yikes. It helps with classroom management, though. :) And as usual, the kids at school say some pretty cute and funny things. I’ll have to list those in a separate post.

Time of year
I really get to feeling sorry for myself sometimes and I let negative feelings override the positive ones. Whenever I remember to count my blessings it gets better, though, and this time of year makes it easy to do that. We were having family home evening tonight and I was “teaching” the lesson about the birth of the Savior and when I started reading what the angels said to the shepherds I looked at Brennen and I don’t know how much he was getting but he was quiet and just looking at me with big eyes and I couldn’t hold back the tears. It really is such a blessing that the Savior was born and tonight I was really thinking about how grateful I am for this time of year we have to celebrate that. I’m glad that Christmas is on a Sunday because I’ll get to attend church, partake of the sacrament, and really think about the Savior and what Christmas really means.

Oh Christmas Tree

Matt and I have a tradition of going up to the mountains to cut down a tree every year. We had to wait until after finals this year and I was pretty impatient to get our tree up but it was worth the wait! A couple days ago we went up to the Snowy Range and found our best tree yet. Brennen was happy and excited to see all the trees and then he helped us put ornaments on ours later. He also really loves the Christmas lights and will go up to our decorated tree and say, “tee! lights!” and he’s actually really good about not knocking stuff off of it.

And just because I know you all want to see how large I am,, here’s me at just under 25 weeks.

The return of the fat, random thoughts, and family pics!

I love being pregnant for so many reasons but I still have a really hard time accepting being fat!

I worked my buns off this spring and summer to get my pre-preg weight back and it seems like all that work was for nothing ‘cause I’m just going to have to do it again. It’s hard because I know I’ll never be as gorgeous as my friends, sisters and especially my sisters-in-law. Deep down I know it’s ok and that people who really love me will love me no matter what but it’s hard when I already feel a bit worthless and then I look in the mirror and want to barf ha ha!

And really, it’s my own fault because I can choose to eat better even though I’m pregnant.

All that aside, I’m feeling great! I don’t worry about the baby like I did with Brennen because I have more faith this time that everything is ok in there with this little squirt. I’m not extra tired or swollen yet (except for all that extra fat. HA!) so this really is the “honeymoon” period of pregnancy for me!

I love Christmas but I find myself getting stressed about what to get for people and where in the devil the extra money is going to come from to buy those things. I need to remember that it’s not about the material stuff, it’s about celebrating the birth of our Savior and I just need to chill out.

Matt is almost done with the semester! Today is his last day of class and then he has three tough finals next week. It will be so nice for him to be done but next semester is supposed to be pretty brutal and he’ll be taking 5 more credits than he took this semester. But after that it’s rotations!

We went to Lyman for Thanksgiving and then Brennen got to help decorate the Christmas tree at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. So here are some pics from the weekend.

We also drove to Evanston on Saturday morning to have a girl I went to high school with take some family pictures for us. Brennen was NOT happy and it was probably just too cold for him so we only got a couple of all of us and none of just him but the few we got really turned out great and I think she did such a good job!

3 to 1

I went in for another ultrasound today because last week the little guy was hiding the top of his head and the tech couldn’t get all the brain measurements. Today he was much more cooperative and we got everything measured and he’s looking great! We also got a few more very clear shots of his boy-ness so come March I really will be outnumbered 3 to 1 in our little family! (I’d love to post ultrasound pics but I only have hard copies and no scanner and taking a picture of a picture just doesn’t quite do it).

It was great to be able to go in because a couple days ago I had a bit of a scare very much like the one I had when I was 15 weeks with Brennen but everything looked great with the baby, I just have some cervical issues I guess. I also have been having a ton of braxton hicks so the doc said that if this happens again I will probably need to go on bed rest for awhile. Please no! Eek! I will go insane.

I’d like a little girl someday but I also think I would be very happy being a mother to all boys. I’ve always gotten along better with boys anyway which is funny considering the fact that when it comes to extra drama and emotions I am definitely all girl. So for now I don’t mind being outnumbered!

This pregnancy isn’t really on my mind 24/7 like it was with Brennen but whenever I stop and think about this little guy I just get so excited, especially that it’s another boy. I never “nested” with my first pregnancy but I’ve already started feeling the urge with this one. I can’t wait to go through all the baby clothes and blankets, decide when he’ll wear home from the hospital, make a little place for him in our home, and I REALLY can’t wait to meet him! I can’t wait to see his little face for the first time and feel that powerful, pure love that I felt for Brennen ‘cause I already know I’m going to feel it with this little guy, too, because I love him already!

Motherhood sure is hard sometimes but I also know that it’s such an amazing and precious gift that has been given to me by my Heavenly Father and I’m so thankful for it!

I love my cute little boy!

20 weeks!

Today I got my ultrasound and we found out we’re having a BOY! I’m really excited and I think it will be great for he and Brennen to have each other throughout their lives. I knew I would be 100% happy either way because I had no preference but this morning I woke up and I just felt like it was a boy. Everything is looking good with this little baby but I have to go back in a week for another ultrasound because he is SO low and his head is down so the tech couldn’t get a good enough shot of the top of his head to measure his brain so we’re going to try again for that but everything else looks normal! He’s also moving around a TON lately but I love it. It’s one of the greatest feelings in the whole world. I love him so much already!

I’m feeling great this pregnancy except that I’m REALLY emotional and moody and poor Matt is the one who takes the brunt of it. Good thing he loves me no matter what. 3 weeks ago the doc told me I needed to eat more because I hadn’t gained any weight but when I went today I had gained 3 pounds in the 3 weeks so he can’t complain anymore! I’m slowly but very surely getting fat. :)

Some days I feel like I’m going to go insane sitting at home but I tried to get a job and no one would hire me. I couldn’t even get hired as a monitor or a sub for the school district and I don’t know why because I think I did a pretty good job for them in the past! But I know it’s good for me to be home with Brennen (and I love it) and teaching piano helps, too.

As for Brennen, he is as crazy as ever. He’s especially wild over at his Grandma and Grandpa Clark’s and loves attacking his uncle Brad (who is 12). He’s so funny and so smart. He definitely learns things by example because he imitates what I say when I least expect it and is good at folding his arms during prayers and shouts “a-MEN!” at the end. I won’t list all the words he says because there are just too many to list.

We didn’t do too much for Halloween because Brennen is still a little young but we dressed him up as a devil and took him over to my friend Sarah’s, my brothers, and Matt’s parent’s where he scored all the candy (that Matt and I ate most of).

A Confession

I went to the doctor today just for a normal check-up. For some reason I was extra worried about the baby this past week so I was glad to go to the doctor and see that everything was normal. We get to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl in 3 weeks!

Here’s my little baby pooch at 17 weeks.

Here comes the confession. I don’t want to give birth again. Ha ha too bad for me, right? I feel like I was a big talker after I had Brennen and told everyone how I was induced and didn’t get an epidural and I really did feel pretty tough. I felt like Superwoman. I realize that women have been giving birth without pain medication for many, many years and that’s one reason why I wanted to do it. I knew it could be done.

That was before I was induced. A friend (I don’t remember who it was now but I’m pretty sure I’ve heard similar analogies from a couple different people) has had natural births being induced and without and she said that it was like comparing a bike ride to a freight train. I’m sure that the bike ride was probably up hill both ways in a really hard gear but I could totally relate to the whole “being induced is like a freight train” thing.

But for some reason even through the freight train-like pain, I never thought of getting an epidural. Ever. I thought about IV drugs but by then it was too late to get them. Looking back I have no idea why I didn’t give in because I have always been a wuss.

So now that the birth of another baby is looming in the not too distant future, the idea of actually HAVING this baby scares me pretty bad. Here are some reasons. I was induced so I never had to decide when to go to the hospital so I’m afraid I won’t know when to go with this one. I don’t want to give birth in my house or in my car! Also, I really had an amazing experience with Brennen and loved the hospital and nurses here and nothing went wrong so I’m afraid that it won’t be that perfect again.

Matt says I worry too much about things that are too far away and/or things that I can’t control. So, I guess I’ll just stop worrying and enjoy being pregnant with my second little miracle.

And I think I’ll probably go natural again. Unless I’m induced…. then we’ll give it some more thought. :)

All this baby/birth talk is making me miss my tiny little Brennen. He sure was cute as a newborn. And he still is!

From newborn to mischievous 16 months in the blink of an eye!

2nd Trimester!

I’m now a couple weeks into the second trimester of my second pregnancy and even though at times I feel like I JUST did this, I still don’t remember much about what it was like when I was pregnant before.

I guess you’re supposed to feel the best during this trimester and I think that I do… except for the fact that I’m still extremely irritable. You better not mess with me right now. I am a total bear. Just ask my loving husband.

You’re also supposed to be less worried about miscarriage by now but last time I had quite the scare just before 16 weeks (it was on Christmas Day! How rude was that, baby?! But luckily he was just fine. Obviously.) and because I’ve had a miscarriage before, I’m still worried. And ironically enough, I’m more worried now than I was earlier in the pregnancy because now I don’t feel any symptoms at all. I haven’t gained any weight yet (although my pants are all getting tight… how does that work??), I’m not really any more hungry than usual, I’m not nauseous anymore, I have more energy, I haven’t felt the baby move yet, and I just don’t FEEL pregnant right now so sometimes I ask Matt, “Do you think the baby is still in there?” and he either just rolls his eyes or asks me where I think the baby has gone if it’s not in there anymore. Hmm, good point.

Some days I’m SO excited to have another baby and think it will be a blast having two kids. Other days I panic and spontaneously burst into tears at the thought because I can’t see any way that I will be able to take care of more than one. And some days I feel like it will be so fun for Brennen to have a little sibling and I think he’ll be a great big brother. Other days I feel afraid that he’ll feel neglected and/or that he won’t like his sibling and will be mean to him/her and be even more needy. (hmm… mood swings… I guess I still have a few symptoms…)

I still can’t believe that we’ll have another baby in March! We thought it would be a longer wait for sprite #2 and just hoped and prayed that “it” and Brennen would be less than 3 years apart and we are so blessed that it was not a long wait and that they’ll be just under 2 years apart which will be perfect! Yay! :)

Quick notes on Brennen: he is an avid rock collector, loves to dance to any music (even the Mormon Tabernacle Choir during conference), loves being outside (taking him out there saves my sanity), says a ton of words, climbs on EVERYTHING, and basically is stinkin’ adorable even when he’s a little grumpy. I realized today that there’s no way I can keep him out of everything despite all of my baby-proofing so I guess if he finds another way to climb onto the kitchen table after I thought I’d taken away all possible routes, I just have to take him off of it again… and again…. and again, and continue to work on my patience.

He climbed in and sat in the stroller like this for and stayed there for almost a half hour “reading” a book.

Exploring the fields behind our apartments. He was tired on the way back so here he is sitting down to rest and playing with some of his newly collected rocks.

Patience

There are those who say “Don’t pray for patience because then you’ll be given trials to give you opportunity to learn patience.” But I say, “How else will I learn it then??” So, I pray for patience and guess what?

It’s working.

I’ve been impatient all my life. Impatient to do the things my sisters got to do before me growing up, impatient to start our family, impatient to be done with school, impatient for Matt to be done with school, impatient to feel financially secure, impatient to have a house, impatient to have a wonderfully beautiful baby grand piano, and etc. But there are also those day to day things that try my patience. Here are some examples:

• When Brennen gets into a tub of vaseline and smears it all over everything.
• When Brennen unrolls an entire roll of wax paper, toilet paper, paper towels, and so on.
• When Brennen grabs onto my legs, throws his head back and whines “mom mom mom!” Then continues to cling to my legs as I’m walking away if I don’t pick him up “right now!”
• When Brennen reaches up to the table, grabs my full bowl of cereal and knocks it on the ground.
• When Brennen thrashes around so badly that I can’t get him into his car seat.
• When Brennen takes the lid off his sippy cup and pours all the juice contained within onto his head.
• When Brennen climbs into the bathtub, grabs my almost full bottle of shampoo, and pours half of it down the drain.
• When Brennen refuses to take a nap even though he obviously, desperately needs one.
• When Brennen pulls my hair.
• When Brennen won’t eat any food I give him then comes begging when I’m eating carrots (of all things to beg for! and to think I just tried to give them to him for lunch....)

There are a lot of other things that try my patience that aren’t related to Brennen but my sweet little boy probably takes the cake. I thought I knew what motherhood would be like but I had NO idea what it would actually be like! (It may sound like I made some of that stuff up but if you’ve ever had kids and especially if you know mine you know that I did not make any of it up and that those things can happen in the .2 seconds when you have your back turned.)

In case you haven’t met my little guy I will tell you this: He. Is. Wild.

• He never holds still, ever. Even when he’s captivated by Baby Einstein or a story we’re reading him he’ll still shake his leg, fiddle with whatever’s in his hands, or walk back and forth in front of the TV. First thing in the morning he’ll run down the hall to my side of the bed (if Matt’s the one who got him up), pound on the mattress until I pick him up, then snuggle into my arms…. for about 5 seconds. IF I’m lucky. Then he wants down again and that’s usually so he can nab my phone from the nightstand and run away with it. Constantly on the move.
• He’ll run from room to room grabbing a toy from one and putting it in another.
• He spins in circles all the time.
• He obviously got his (lack of) patience from me because he tries for about .5 seconds to do something or get a toy from a hard-to-reach place before he freaks out, screams, falls backward, and throws his head back in a full fledged fit.
• He talks constantly. Only about 10% of what he says can be understood but he still jabbers all the time. Non-stop.
• Basically he’s just a ball of energy that is SO much fun yet very hard to control.

All of that being said, I wouldn’t change his personality for the world. He is also very happy and laughs and smiles so easily. He shows love for the people he cares about and is such a joy to our lives, even though he’s a little crazy. : )

So, as impatient as I’ve been all my life I’ve never had my patience tried like I have these past 15 months. And I DO pray for it every day and I find myself having an easier time dealing with the little things that used to drive me near the edge. I’m glad that I’ve been given so many opportunities to work on this and it makes me very happy to be able to see myself slowly improving and becoming a better, more loving wife and mother every day!

 

Golden Month Birthday

Brennen turned 15 months yesterday on the 15th. This little boy is growing so fast and learning so much that it amazes me. He says lots of words, can identify lots of body parts, walks and runs, can step up stairs if you’re holding his hand, eats anything we give him, makes the “sounds” when he plays with cars, loves reading books, and tons more. He also learned to scowl at people which is pretty cute & funny but not polite so we’re starting to work on that one. :) And he’s so smart, too! I took him to the doctor today and developmentally he’s at a 19-20 month level. He went down in length from the 75% clear down to the 50%. They measured him three times to make sure it was correct so that’s a little bit of a bummer but the doc isn’t worried. His weight is still around 20% and his good ol’ head is still up in the 75%. :)

We’ve been spending time outside a lot lately because now it’s nice and cool all day but not too cold yet. Matt and I try to push Brennen in the stroller but when we’re in the mountains he does not want to stay strapped in and would much rather walk with us. The other evening we were out and Brennen pointed at something and said “oooh!” It took us a minute to see it but he was pointing at a deer that was partially hidden in the trees. Brennen still loves playing at the playgrounds at all the various parks in town and it’s a lot of fun for me to watch him play and learn about the world. Fall has been nice so far!

And as far as baby #2 goes, we’re doing well. I feel like this last week I’ve suddenly “popped.” Not that I’m huge or anything but I can no longer suck it all in and there’s definitely a tiny little bump there. It makes me happy. :) And I’m finally over feeling sick every day but I still have some major food aversions like sweet stuff! I’ve always had a sweet tooth so it’s weird to NOT want candy and stuff but it’s probably helping keep my weight in check! So here I am a week ago at about 12 weeks.

 

How Will They Know?

I’m the choir director in my ward in my church. A few months ago my friend Sarah suggested that we sing a song that is found in the children’s book that’s meant for adults. No one ever sings this song and it’s really pretty so I thought we could try it.

I usually don’t pay much attention to the words or how moving the music is until after we’ve learned it ‘cause by then I’m no longer stressed about learning it. :) So on Sunday we performed this song and on the last run-through I really paid attention to the words and for some reason it really choked me up. I think this song is filled with so many good thoughts and it appeals to parents and other adults in the lives of children to teach them what is right. It also makes me feel a huge responsibility to make sure I teach my children all the things they need to know. I don’t know if this will touch anyone who reads this as much as it touched me but I wanted to post the lyrics anyway. They are by Natalie W. Sleeth.

How will they know, the ones for whom we care,
That God is love and with us everywhere,
That life is good, with blessings all can share?
How will they know unless we teach them so?

How will they learn that, though they go astray,
God will forgive and help them find the way?
How will they feel the Spirit day by day?
How will they know unless we teach them so?

How will they grow in wisdom and delight?
How will they choose to follow what is right?
How can they trust the future will be bright?
How will they know unless we show them?

How will they live when they at last are grown?
What will they give to children of their own?
Will they reflect the values we have shown?
How will they know, as on through life they go?
How will they know unless we strive to teach them so?

Man I couldn’t even type that without crying! I guess I’ll blame it on hormones and the fact that I know that I will now have TWO children to teach and take care of! Yep, we’re having another baby in March! I’m still a little in shock and I’m kinda scared but Matt and I are SO excited and we feel incredibly blessed that the Lord is trusting us with another one of His children and that everything is going well!

Here is the new sprite at 9 weeks! I usually have a hard time deciphering these pictures but they’re fun to look at anyway. :)

Fun Weekend

We went camping again this last weekend and it was fun and relaxing. Although, I’ve decided that I don’t know how much we’ll do it when we have little kids because Brennen did NOT want to sleep and we ended up taking him on a drive at 1:00 AM to get him to settle down.

On Friday we found a nice spot to camp, set up, then did some hiking and fishing on Deep Creek near Sand Lake in the Snowy Range. Matt and I each caught a few fish but there were SO many in the creek that just wouldn’t bite. Brennen was a good boy and seemed pretty happy in his backpack. It was so beautiful there. We got rained on on our way back to camp so Brennen and I hung out in the car for awhile while Matt got a fire started.

Saturday morning we hiked about 1.8 miles down to Crater Lake. The last half mile or so was REALLY steep but it was worth it. That was really beautiful, too, and I caught a 13” brook trout from that lake.

A few hours after we got home on Saturday my mom, dad, and both brothers came for a visit. My youngest brother Kasey moved here to start his sophomore year of college so my other family came to see him off and to visit us and Brennen. It was a great weekend!

Campsite
Deep Creek
Brennen having fun in the car


Chillin’ at the camp

View of Crater Lake from the top

Down at Crater Lake