I was also feeling a little bummed that I am not teaching school like so many of my friends. I had a combined piano recital with the elementary music teacher here (who had guitar students perform) and she was so nice to allow me to share her music room for the event and it made me wish I had her job. :)
But then on Saturday instead of having some sort of "end of summer bash" we just stayed home. We helped clean the church and the boys were actually quite helpful and I loved that they knew it was an important thing to do. Then Matt took the older boys one on one and helped them learn to ride their bikes. Later that evening we played bocce (which Brennen is getting pretty good at) then went to the elementary school to play on the playground and let the boys ride on the bike path while we walked along with them in the chilly fall-like air.
Brennen still has training wheels but he's getting really good at riding and he can go pretty fast! I felt like it was a metaphor for how life is going to be now that he won't be home with me during the day. He rode so far ahead that I couldn't see him and I felt a bit of panic until I remembered that he knows to stay on the path. He knows where he is going and I don't really need to keep him under my watchful eye every second of every day anymore.
The school is just east of town, right at the start of the black hills, and it was just so beautiful. Dean was singing to himself the whole time, Seth was so happy and smiling and Matt and I held hands and talked about the upcoming school year and about how happy we are with the life we have made together so far.
Side note: He was super sick a couple weeks ago, feverish and delirious for days. It made me realize just how much I love him and how I would be sunk if anything ever happened to him. Not only would my kids not have an amazing father around but no other man would ever want me (or be able to put up with me) and there's no way I would ever want to be with anyone else. He really is my perfect half and I love that I can feel comfort and peace in the fact that he is mine forever. (end of cheesy lovey dovey side note)
I just felt so much joy that night (and the feeling has stayed with me) and I know that even though sometimes it's hard to be far from family and to feel a little lonely that I am truly happy here with my little family and with my life.
Lately I feel like I'm seeing myself through different eyes. I looked at myself and realized that I AM my mother. I am what I see when I think of her. I am what I remember her being when I was just starting school. She was 29 when I went into kindergarten and I am 30 now when my first baby is going. (I was her 3rd baby but whatever). :) When in the world did that happen??
I just realized that so many things that I think are a big deal or that I think matter a lot just don't and I need to be able to let certain things go. I need to remember to be thankful for my blessings because I have more than I can count. To be SO thankful for the beautiful life I have and be at peace with the choices I have made.
another side note: I didn't read through this before posting so I apologize if it doesn't make sense or sounds rambling. :)