Today I applied for two jobs. One for choir director at Laramie Junior High School and the other at…… Rock River. It’s my old job except only 70% so Tuesdays and Thursdays all day and only mornings on MWF and no more isolated schools.
Here are my thoughts on this: I would love to teach again. It was so much fun and I felt like I did a decent job. Matt is going to be in pharmacy school again full time in the fall so he won’t be able to work hardly at all and we could really use, no let me rephrase that, we really NEED the money.
I have loved spending every moment with my baby and it makes me sad to think that if I go back to work he will spend most of his day with other people, not me. It’s hard to think about giving that up. I took that job at Spring Creek last year and then quit before I even started because I already knew I was supposed to be home with my baby. I had prayed about it and knew the answer but I took the job anyway. So I’m afraid that the district won’t like me as much anymore because of that so they might not want to hire me. This time, however, I feel much better about taking a job even though I still don’t know for sure what to do whereas last time Heavenly Father had given me a pretty clear answer. I just figure we’ll see if I even get interviewed and then if I get offered a job we can really pray about it then to see if it’s right.
I also want to have another baby. I don’t know how soon but it’s much more important for me to have a family than a job, especially once Matt is done with school and can work full time. BUT…… I don’t talk about this very often but I really struggled with life after Brennen was born. I don’t think I would call it full fledged depression but it was a major case of the “baby blues.” I cried A LOT, felt extremely inadequate, felt like I didn’t know how to take care of my own baby, and I panicked whenever Matt had to go to work and the days just dragged and I was miserable. It was really hard for me so I’m afraid that may happen again and it would be even worse if I had to go back to a full time job after having a baby.
Anyway, we’ll just see how all of this works out. I don’t blog deep thoughts very often but I really wanted to get these thoughts off my chest.
On a lighter note, this morning I had about 2 dozen cookies out on the table and sweet Brennen managed to grab the paper towels they were on and drag every cookie off the table… but not before he managed to secure one for himself. 
He can also stand up in his crib and can climb on our furniture.
He wasn’t very happy in this picture ‘cause he just wanted me to pick him up. :) 
4 comments:
Wow! I never knew you were a deep thinker :P Just kidding!
That Brennen boy is sure growing fast! Wow!
Good luck with your decisions! If you are like me, you just want somebody to tell you what to do and what would be best but then you realize that even if they did they have no idea what is best for you. Decisions are very difficult when it comes to family and jobs, etc. I love you!
PS Brennen is adorable. I love that he got that cookie for himself. My kids favorite thing to do is to feed the floor so maybe he's like them. ;)
We'll be praying for you! Life decisions are very hard to make. My opinion on your mothering skills...you are great! And I can't believe how much Brennen smiles. How cute!
Hey lady!! I have to tell you that I was the exact same way after Corbin, except I'm sure it was down right depression...and it got a little scary. I was scared it would happen again after Porter but I can honestly say that I didn't skip a beat after bringing him home. Babies are the best, and it only gets easier!! Good luck my dear! Keep us posted on the jobs.
Post a Comment