Those of you who know me well know that for my entire life I've had an "I'm fat" complex, especially during high school and a little beyond. I know now that I was never truly fat (although there were times of extra chubbiness) but I really believed I was no matter how much I worked out or how little I ate. It was not something I complained about to get attention and I have often become furious with a well meaning family member or friend who says "you're not fat" because I just KNEW they were lying to me because I honestly felt that I really was fat and so I would get mad that no one understood how I felt.
So then I marry Matt who is a pretty understanding guy who makes me feel SO loved no matter what I look like or how I may act and my fat complex kinda goes away (well, it's not nearly as bad anyway). So lately I haven't stressed about it as much. Until now.
I KNOW you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant. I KNOW that the baby is growing and all that stuff. BUT I also know that you don't need to gain about 10 pounds in a month, which is what I have done. I actually lost weight in the first trimester but all of a sudden I am 17 pounds heavier than my
pre-pregnancy weight (which doesn't count the weight I lost at the beginning) and it only took TWO MONTHS to get there. What the heck?!?! I still have 3 months to go and this is the time the baby is growing the fastest. I am getting "fat" too quickly.
I guess I don't need to eat cereal after I get home from work and then eat dinner two hours later. And I guess I can eat oatmeal for breakfast instead of pop tarts (it makes me sick to eat too early in the morning so I wait until I get to work to eat breakfast so I need something convenient). And I guess I can eat carrots or an apple for a snack instead of gummy worms. But it's hard when I want cereal all the time and when I don't want oatmeal or carrots.
This post was kind of a vent but also kinda making fun of myself because I know I don't eat healthy enough. I feel that I get all the vitamins I need from my food and my vitamin but I don't need all the extra stuff (even though I WANT it sometimes)!
All of that being said, I am SO HAPPY and feel so blessed with this little one on the way. He's kicking more vigorously now and sometimes wakes me up but I honestly don't mind. Sometimes I get bummed because this baby means the WORLD to me and it seems like there are so many people at church or in our families who are also expecting so it seems like our baby isn't as special. But I also know that he is already VERY special to Matthew and I and that's all that really matters.
Here's an undated picture of me at 26 weeks which is only about 5 weeks after the last pic I took. You will all be able to see how I have, um, blossomed?